Chapter 33.2

Chapter 33.2

Maybe I wasn’t starving enough yet. No matter how hungry I was, it was too disgusting to eat.

As I forced down the rising nausea, a wave of sorrow rushed in. The helplessness of knowing I could do nothing but cry enveloped me, and as if waiting, fear struck me.

My body gave off a strong stench of blood.

This was Yera’s blood. Because I was thrown straight in here without being given time to even change clothes or wash.

The moment I recalled that hot, sticky, iron-smelling dark red liquid, my head suddenly hurt as if it would burst.

“…Hngh…! Ugh…!”

When I clutched my head, my body leaned forward. It felt as though all the blood in my body rushed to my head. I collapsed onto the damp, icy floor and groaned in agony.

From the moment I was struck on the head by someone I couldn’t even identify to this very moment living in Ham Yeohee’s body, the question I have mulled over hundreds of times came back.

What did I do wrong? Did I live my life so wrongly? What exactly did I do wrong, why.

“That man is too much for you to take. You know it too, don’t you?”

What did I do so wrong, exactly?

“I’m only telling you because you seem a bit clueless. I didn’t want to do this either.”

Don’t lie. I won’t believe it.

“That person at least thinks of me as his equal. …Unlike you.”

“Why are you doing this to me….”

A muffled sound came from between my teeth, and a reply returned.

“Not knowing your place is also a sin, Yeohee ya.”

I am not that kind of woman. So let those kinds of women take the punishment. Sentences twisted, unable to escape as sound, shook my mind violently.

Thud. The sound, and my consciousness cut off.

A verdant sheep’s hill.

On the peaceful field, the wind blew and the hem of the skirt fluttered. The scent of moist grass brushed against the tip of my nose.

At the familiar landscape, my heart felt at ease. For some reason, I feel a sense of longing welling up inside me, and I feel like I might cry.

Something damp brushed against my fingertips, and I looked down. A tiny lamb with fluffy white coat was licking my fingertips.

“You were alive, you.”

I thought you had disappeared forever. Tears welled up from longing and relief.

“You were alive….”

Maaaae. Letting out a weak bleat, the black and pure eyes look up at me. Those eyes brimmed with curiosity, as if asking why I said that.

Why, of course I thought you were dead.

“Because back then, you—”

Sharp fangs, white sheep wool covered in blood, maaaaae, pleading to be saved.

“…Huk!”

When I opened my eyes, the familiar darkness was still there.

But the sensation at my fingertips was not an illusion; something kept brushing against my fingers. Something moist and alive.

“Hiik!”

As soon as I realize what it was, I instinctively pulled my body back. The small creature, as if more startled, made loud squeaky sounds. Since it couldn’t see ahead either, its tumbling body touched my toes and then my hands.

“Hueo! Euk! Don’t cooome!”

Startled, I quickly shifted my body, and pressed my back against a corner. Perhaps it escaped through a mouse hole somewhere, because no more sound was heard.

“Hueo… heu… heuk….”

I hadn’t drank a single drop of water so there was no moisture left to squeeze out, yet tears spilled again. When nothing was seen and nothing was heard, it was even more terrifying.

Like this, no one would find me. While no one knows that I am trapped here, in this body, in this black room, I will disappear forever.

“Heung… heuu….”

I must not lose my mind. If I just keep my mind sharp— no, you will die here eventually. No, I will live. Live and….

Live and what will you do? If you survive here, what is out there? Eventually parole is out of reach too and you will spend the remaining time as Ham Yeohee in prison.

No, I will not live as Ham Yeohee. I will definitely return as Geummi and….

To clear my jumbled thoughts, I forced out a sound. I spat out words, as if shoving them out.

“…Become a sheep… following the good shepherd… heuk… live without shame… heuk….”

Save me. Save me, anyone.

Even if I must become something other than myself, here and now, it would be enough. If God exists, please save me.

“…The gatekeeper… opens the door for him… heuk… and the sheep hear his voice….”

Save me, please. Save me, help me.

“…He calls his own sheep by name… each and leads them… out… heuk….”

I will eventually die.

At the very end, as my mind flickered in and out, I thought: this must be my last. If my eyes closed now, I will never wake again.

No, I would rather wish for that.

As my eyelids fell, I recalled a face I wanted to hold onto. A face I would never be able to speak with again.

Just like this, I go into rest.

Clang.

Into the mind that was killing itself, the sound of iron reached.

Instead of throwing in a spoiled rice ball and scattering a petty extension of life, it shone a greater light into the dark room.

Through my blurred vision, the figure that had lingered behind my closed eyes stood there. Backlit, like a person carrying radiance on his back.

“7059.”

I heard a voice calling.

The moment I recognized him, instinct moved me. Dragging my unmoving body in a hurry, I crawled toward him.

“…Deputy Ki….”

When I grab the well-ironed hem of his pants, he lowers his body for me. I clung to him as though hanging on, and there was only one thing I could say.

“…Save… me….”

At that moment, things like conscience, guilt, or shame couldn’t exist.

The wish to die vanished like a rat the moment a crack appeared, the moment a gap of “maybe I can live” appeared.

I want to live, I want to live. Anywhere is fine if not here.

With a desperation that could not allow me to let go, I clung fiercely to the man.

“…Take me out, please… from here….”

“…”

“Please….”

Slowly, his long arms wrapped tightly around my back. As if binding me.

In that comfortable restraint, peace finally arrived.