Chapter 20.1

Chapter 20.1

Anger flared up before I could stop it.

“…Why would you hang up on me while I’m talking?”

For a moment, I forgot who I was and where I was. That’s how furious I was.

Do you know how hard it was to get that call connected? Even if I managed to use the phone again someday, there was no guarantee I’d be able to reach Hong-bae oppa again.

It felt like having a long-awaited gift snatched away the moment I’d unwrapped it. My nerves were frayed, and my temper—rotten as it always was—snapped. I didn’t care anymore about keeping up the docile act I’d been wearing all this time.

“Why…! How could you just—! No, I’m not done! I’m calling again!”

When I reached for the receiver, Deputy Ki shoved the phone across the desk, out of my reach.

“Inmates are allowed no more than one minute per call. Anything beyond that is a violation of regulations.”

I laughed in disbelief.

“Ha. Are you seriously talking to me about regulations right now?”

After everything we’d done, after bringing me here to this secluded room and secretly letting me make the call. That was already miles beyond any regulation.

“Deputy Ki, what’s this supposed to mean? You can’t do this to me. We—”

We what? Get it together, Geummi. You’re supposed to play this carefully. But even knowing that, the words wouldn’t stop coming.

“I thought you’d do anything for me.”

You slept with me, didn’t you? You came inside me like it meant something, and now—

“7059, is that what your confession was about from the start? You wanted things like this from me?”

“…”

I couldn’t speak. I didn’t know if he was being naïve or just sly. His tone stayed calm, almost flat, but it carried a faint, rising edge.

“You said you liked me, didn’t you?”

I couldn’t understand why he was suddenly bringing that up.

“If that’s true, then why can’t you do what I ask? I’ve given you everything you’ve wanted, and now you’re furious because I wouldn’t let you make one more phone call?”

“…”

“Who is this man, Lee Hongbae?”

“He’s… he’s my cousin. Like I said, I don’t get along very well with my immediate family, so it’s hard to contact them directly…”

Something in Deputy Ki’s firm tone made my stomach drop. I hadn’t realized how much authority he carried until now. The first impression I’d had of him had been right: pressure. Not just physical, but something that pressed down on you, quietly, like a weight on the chest.

“Can’t I just… at least let him know where I am? That’s all I need! I’ll be done in thirty seconds, I promise.”

“No.”

It was just one phone call. How hard could that be? Yet the man who had brought me here himself was suddenly lecturing me about rules, and for the first time, he felt like a stranger.

People always yearn for things more desperately after they’ve been taken away. The little box of hope that had been in my hands just moments ago, he’d taken it and thrown it away without a second thought.

“It’s not even that difficult… please, just a little, just a little more, okay?”

I clasped my hands together and begged.

“There will be no further violations of regulation.”

“…I thought we’d already crossed that line though. Those rules… didn’t we go past them already? I thought what I feel for you, Deputy Ki, meant we’d gone further than that…”

Maybe it sounded shameless, but I really believed it. I like you, don’t I? Isn’t that enough? I gave you my heart, my body, everything.

Was I asking for too much? It was just one phone call. Surely that was something he could give.

And in that moment, I realized how much I’d come to expect from him.

Could you blame me? A man who’d once seemed unshakable, untouched by anyone, had melted at my words, I like you, and since then, he’d given me everything I’d asked for.

Deputy Ki let out a quiet sigh. Then, in that steady, emotionless tone he used when explaining something to a slow student, he answered me. It was as if every other boundary could be bent, but this one law alone stood immovable.

“This is a prison, and…”

“…”

“Because inmate 7059 is a criminal.”

The man whose heart once raced like it might burst when I confessed my feelings to him said that to me. He said it as if it couldn’t be helped, as if it were simply the natural order of things.

“You have to understand that we’re not in equal positions,” he continued, his tone calm and detached.

“What… did you just say?”

He spoke again, his expression caught somewhere between awkwardness and duty.

“I’m someone who’s obligated to supervise and control inmate 7059. Just because we’ve shared that kind of relationship doesn’t mean we stand on the same level.”

A sharp ringing filled my ears.

“You can’t expect to have everything you enjoyed outside these walls.”

Because you’re a criminal.

A strange mix of emotions welled up in me. It wasn’t as though I didn’t already know all this, yet hearing it come out of Deputy Ki’s mouth hit me like something foreign and cold.

Emptiness, disappointment, anger, resentment, and a bitter kind of self-mockery tangled inside me until I couldn’t tell one from the other. Ridiculous as it was, I almost felt… hurt.