Chapter 44

“It’s a temporary case of hyperventilation. Given her shaken state of mind, the symptoms might recur, so I’ll stay by her side for now,” the physician explained, his tone measured yet concerned.

How fragile the human body can become. Even without injury or illness, the collapse of one’s spirit alone can shatter it, leaving behind unbearable pain and a fragile thread tethering one to life.

Odelliana lay motionless, her gaze fixed on the ceiling. She couldn’t even muster the strength to lift a finger.

“How many episodes has she had now?” The physician asked softly, breaking the tense silence.

“This is the third,” Malena replied with a subtle sigh.

“Don’t dwell on it,” the physician advised. “Ruminating will only feed your anxiety, and that anxiety will trigger the symptoms again. The cause is entirely psychological—there’s no physical damage. Try to stay calm.”

But calm was impossible when the attacks came. They began with her airway tightening, her vision dimming, and her body freezing as if trapped in ice. Then came the haunting vision—a grotesque nightmare of being bound, her chest torn open, and her heart ripped out while she still drew breath.

“I’ve never been this scared in my life,” Odelliana murmured, her voice trembling.

Malena glanced at her, hesitating before speaking. “…That bad?”

“Far more terrifying than waking up in an unfamiliar place,” she continued, her tone distant. “Or the moment a silver blade pierced my heart.”

Malena leaned closer. “You must have had a terrible nightmare.”

“If only it were just a nightmare,” Odelliana whispered bitterly, her hands moving to roughly rub at the tears threatening to spill from her eyes.

“You’re unusually fragile today, my lady,” Malena remarked, her voice laced with a teasing softness.

Odelliana let out a mirthless chuckle. “I’ve always been weak.”

Her quiet admission drew a small, knowing smile from Malena. “Weak? Where was that weakness when you decided to keep a monstrous beast by your side?”

Odelliana turned her head, but said nothing.

“While harboring the most fearsome creature, what is it you fear now?” Malena pressed gently. “Surely nothing could be more dreadful than the beast you’ve tamed.”

With casual ease, Marlena brushed back Odelliana’s sweat-drenched hair, her touch both gentle and firm.

“You once said you didn’t want to die, my lady. From where I stand, even if you wished for it, death wouldn’t come so easily,” she said, her tone a mix of pragmatism and reassurance.

Odelliana remained silent, her lips pressed tightly together.

“That beast of yours would never let you die so quietly,” Marlena continued, a faint smile tugging at her lips.

Another pause. The only response was the faint rustle of sheets as Odelliana shifted slightly.

“I know your frailty makes you sensitive to matters of health and mortality,” Marlena added, her voice softening. “But there are things far beyond human control. Accept that, and perhaps you’ll find some peace of mind. Besides, I don’t believe there’s anyone capable of truly harming you. Do you really think that boy—the one who panics over the smallest scratch on you—would stand idly by and let any harm come to you? And I’ll protect you too.”

Her words hung in the air, offering a fragile kind of solace.

“Protecting you is my duty, my lady,” Marlena said with quiet conviction. “So rest without worry. Sleep is the best remedy for anxiety.”

Odelliana let out a small, dry laugh. “…You’re just trying to put me to sleep because my whining bothers you.”

Marlena’s lips curved into a rare grin. “I won’t deny it.”

With a sigh, Odelliana lay back down and draped her arm over her eyes, shutting out the faint light that crept into the room.

A life stripped of even its dignity, handed over without hesitation to serve someone else. A life dictated by necessity, leaving no trace of her will—no trace of my will.

For the first time, a flicker of curiosity stirred within her about the true owner of this body. The real Odelliana—an existence she had rarely thought of, much less pondered deeply.

A pitiful woman. One who had never known freedom, bound and controlled until the very end. Sacrificed under the noble yet cruel pretense of duty. Where had her soul gone—the soul that surrendered even her flesh to another? Did it still wander restlessly, lost in a world that had demanded so much of her?

The bitterness of that tragic fate clawed at Odelliana’s chest, chilling her blood with sorrow and fury.

How terrified you must have been…

Her thoughts turned inward, tinged with regret.

I regret those days when I carelessly believed that having died once, dying again wouldn’t matter. Here I sit, inhabiting your shell, mocking your life—a life where you struggled so desperately to survive—with such cruel indifference.

At the end of this realization, her mind went cold. It wasn’t fear that consumed her—it was a surge of unrelenting anger toward the Grüsewald family and an unyielding instinct to survive.

“I won’t let things go your way,” Odelliana vowed under my breath.

This time, the one to die won’t be me—it’ll be you, Odette.

***

A week passed. A week filled with sudden, recurring attacks and relentless battles with hyperventilation.

Word arrived that Blair, who had been completely out of contact, had finally returned. It was barely minutes later when he stormed into the annex. The servants didn’t even have time to notify their mistress before Blair flung open the door and barged inside.

“Odelliana!” he called out, his voice sharp with urgency.

It seemed almost a family trait for the people of this household to appear unannounced. Odelliana’s eyes flicked toward Blair. While a small part of her felt relief to see him after weeks of silence, mistrust quickly smothered any fleeting joy.

“Are you all right? They said you collapsed!” he pressed, his gaze scanning her for signs of injury.

Blair turned to Marlena, who stood calmly by the bedside. “Marlena, what’s her condition?”

“She’s still experiencing attacks and hyperventilation,” Marlena replied evenly, her hands clasped in front of her. “But the frequency has been decreasing. You needn’t worry too much.”

“Is she improving, then? What’s the cause?”

“She appears to have developed an ailment of the heart,” Marlena explained. “I suspect it stems from extreme anxiety.”

“Out of nowhere?” Blair asked, his brow furrowing deeply. “She’s been fine until now…”

“Perhaps it’s the culmination of stress finally reaching its breaking point,” Marlena replied with a sigh.

Blair’s expression darkened, and he stepped closer to the bed. His hand reached out, trembling slightly, as if hesitant to touch her. “Odelliana…” he murmured.

Before his fingers could brush hers, Odelliana slapped his hand away. It wasn’t planned—it was pure instinct, a visceral rejection her body seemed to act on before her mind could catch up.

The sound of the slap echoed briefly in the room, and both of them froze. Blair’s eyes widened in shock, his hand hovering mid-air, while Odelliana stared at him, equally stunned by her own reaction.

“Ah… You must’ve felt uneasy because I was away for so long. That’s why your health deteriorated, isn’t it?” Blair’s voice was soft, almost tentative, as if testing the waters of her mood.

Odelliana didn’t respond, her silence heavy and pointed.

“I’m sorry, Odelliana,” he said after a pause, his tone weighted with guilt. “I should’ve sent word, but I was… overwhelmed.”

Her gaze finally shifted toward him, sharp and unyielding. “What… have you been doing all this time?”

Her voice, cracked and hoarse from days of screaming during her attacks, carried an edge of reproach that cut deeper than her words. Blair winced, his troubled expression betraying his discomfort.

“I was in Eisenwald,” he admitted quietly.

“Eisenwald?” she echoed.

Blair nodded, avoiding her gaze. “Odelliana, you told me to have a serious discussion with Adolf, remember? He offered me the position of Lord of Eisenwald. The previous lord’s misdeeds left the position vacant, and with the household wiped out, there’s no one left to inherit the title.”

“So you traveled all the way to that distant place?” Her voice rose slightly, raspy but cutting. “Without saying a word?”

“I had to see it for myself,” Blair replied, his tone calm but resolute. “The position of lord isn’t something to take lightly—it involves the well-being of every person in the territory. I couldn’t make a decision of this magnitude without understanding the situation firsthand.”

It was such a Blair-like decision. Thorough, considerate, and unrelenting in his sense of duty. His integrity left her momentarily speechless, even stripping her of the energy to argue further.

“The city without a lord is in chaos,” he continued, his voice tinged with regret. “Public order is unstable… It’s a situation that demands immediate resolution.”

Odelliana’s heart sank slightly, but she forced herself to ask, “So, after seeing it for yourself, have you made up your mind?”

As the question lingered in the air, a flicker of anxiety stirred within her. She feared his answer, dreaded the possibility that he might still consider independence premature.

The truth was, Blair was her only realistic means of escaping this house safely. While she had considered attempting a secret escape with Matthias once he returned, she didn’t want to burden him unnecessarily from the start.

“This seems like a good opportunity,” Blair said, his voice steady but contemplative. “I think I’ll give it a shot.”

Odelliana raised an eyebrow but said nothing, her silence urging him to continue.

“Like you said, it’s about time I gained my independence. Besides,” Blair added with a faint, wry smile, “staying here would only worsen your health.”

Odelliana’s eyes softened slightly. “Really?”

“However,” he began, his tone firm, “our parents will never allow me to leave with you. We’ll need to figure out a way to leave in secret. I’m thinking of discussing it with Adolf, but unfortunately, he’s away at the moment. He’s overseeing the knight examinations as an examiner.”

Adolf attending the knight examinations made perfect sense. In her previous life, he had always personally supervised the exams, diligently managing and monitoring them.

Set to succeed Duke Schaller as the lord of the western continent, Adolf had consistently shown a deep interest in nurturing knights. If Matthias had caught Adolf Schaller’s eye before Jocelyn discovered him, Adolf would undoubtedly have recognized Matthias’s potential and taken him in as a knight by his side.

“Does the young Lord Schaller know about Matthias?” Odelliana asked, tilting her head slightly.

“I haven’t mentioned it explicitly,” Blair admitted, “but since I submitted his application, Adolf will find out soon enough.”

Odelliana nodded thoughtfully. “I hope Adolf sees Matthias in a favorable light.”

“Adolf is a fair person,” Blair replied, his confidence unwavering. “Even if he knows I brought Matthias in, he’d never grant special treatment for something so trivial.”

“I know,” Odelliana said, a small smile tugging at her lips.

Precisely because Adolf was such a person, she thought, he would be more likely to recognize Matthias’s true value.

Blair becoming the lord of Eisenwald under the Schaller duchy and Matthias catching Adolf Schaller’s attention to join the Schaller Knights—that was the most ideal outcome she could envision. So far, everything seemed to be progressing smoothly.

But can I really trust Blair?

“Brother,” she called softly.

“Yes?” he responded.

“…Never mind.”

The words lingered on her tongue, but she swallowed them. Even if she suspected that he knew about the beast’s curse and the truth behind Odette’s heart, there wasn’t much she could do about it now. This wasn’t the time to confront him. She decided to revisit the matter after leaving the Grüsewald estate. For now, with Blair choosing the path of independence, her only option was to rely on him.

“Thank you,” she said at last, her tone quieter than she intended.

Blair hesitated for a moment before cautiously extending his hand. His movements were careful, almost tentative, as though he feared another rejection. His touch was gentle as he smoothed her disheveled hair, his fingers trembling ever so slightly.

“Don’t worry too much, Odelliana,” he murmured. “I’ll take responsibility for you until the very end.”

Odelliana’s eyes lingered on him, her expression unreadable.

I hope what you just said isn’t a lie.